This is one of those as my sister Amy said "It could only happen to Greta"!!! I am vacationing with my step sister, Amy and step mother, Julia in Panama City Beach, Fl. It is a beautiful day and the three of us are bathing in the sun by the pool with a fruity umbrella drink. Lo and behold a cute guy walks by. Guy smiles and I put on my best flirty smile and say hello. He sends back a flirty smile and says hello too. Wow!!!! So far sounds great right? He continues on to the parking lot to a vehicle. Then as he walks back into the pool area he passes Julia and Amy to come to the front of my chair. Double Wowza!! This is looking promising for me. He holds up sunscreen lotion and ask if I can put it on his back. Note that this is not the dry oil spray kind, or even oil, it is the old school thick lotion sunscreen (this will become important). A cute guy asking if I will put sunscreen on him. Duh of course the eternal single girl will put sunscreen on a cute guy. I say "of course". He takes off his shirt and turns to sit in front of me. Then in a split second right there in my face is Chewbacca's back. No lie. He has a rug on his back and doesn't need sunscreen he has a built in sunshade on his back. He then says "Thank you none of my family will put "Lotion" on my back" as he hands me the lotion. As I am thinking of course they won't I look at Amy. She is now changing colors to hold in the laughs and keep from laughing out loud. So much for help from her. Julia won't even look at this point she is focused on an ant or something more random. What do I do? I am not the rude terrible type to tell him to go away. My mother taught me to be a polite southern lady. But my manners classes never included how to politely tell hairy back man that I cannot and will not put sunscreen on your back. So sweet little ole me puts the "lotion" on my hand and starts at the shoulders. I then look in the palm trees and over to the bar area. I am hoping maybe Ashton Kutcher or someone we all know is going to jump out with a video camera to say "Greta Mitchell you have been punked". I will spare the grotesque details of thick lotion and back hair, one can imagine. Amy is now snickering she can no longer hold it in but is keeping it contained. Julia I think tried to help by making small talk. Mind you I do not remember his name where he is from or a single stitch of our conversation. I am just doing as I am ask as quickly as possible. And you cannot speed up the process of lotion. So I am rubbing, not looking at what I am doing (I can't) and still hoping someone will pop out with a camera and I can stop. But no. Ok, finally I say "There you go, I am glad I could help". He then says "I think you missed a spot right here". Oh my god seriously. I half way hit that spot. He is no longer the cute guy he is now the gross guy who's family doesn't even love him enough to make him wax his back before coming to the beach. So there is an awkward thank you and goodbye. My sister then burst out loud with laughter, my step mom then laughs but tries to defend him. I decide my fruity umbrella drink is not stout enough and guzzle it to the bottom. But am unable to get my hands on anything stronger. I never saw hairy back man again. But I did learn if a cute guy has on a shirt at the beach and ask me to put on sunscreen do not agree until I have seen him without a shirt.
This is the first of many of my misadventures. I plan on blogging about them often. Some will be current, some will be old. The misadventures are many and they are frequent. Comment below and follow me. I don't want to be famous but I do like to make people laugh. Even if it is at my expense. A day without a smile or laughter is a wasted day.
